I've gotta big big big big heart beat,

yeah I think you are the sweetest thing

I wear a coat of feelings

and they are loud

I've been having good days

Think we are the right age

To start our own peculiar ways

With good friendly homes

You get me freaked freaked freaked on Preakness

Never met a girl that

likes to drink with horses

Knows her chinese ballet

Must admit you smell like

fruity nuts and good grains

When you show my purple gaze

A thing or two at night

Make me sick sick sick to kiss you

and I think that i woud vomit

But I'll do that on mondays

I dont have a work way

I like it when I bump you

an accident's a truth gate

I'm humbled in your pretty lense

I'll hold you dont you go

Sometimes you're quiet and sometimes I'm quiet.

Hallelujah!

Sometimes I'm talkative and sometimes you're not talkative,

I know....

Well i'd like to spread your perfume around the old apartment

Could we live together and agree on the same wares?

A trapeze is a bird cage

even if its empty and defintintely fits the room

And we would toooo

And my dear dear dear khalana

I talk too much about you

Their ears are getting tired of me singing all the night through

Lets just talk together

You and me and me and you

And if theres nothing much to say

Well, silence is a bore

I've gotta big big big big heart beat,

yeah I think you are the sweetest thing

I wear a coat of feelings

and they are loud

I've been having good days

Think we are the right age

To start out own peculiar ways

With good friendly homes?

Sometimes you're quiet and sometimes I'm quiet

hallelujah

Sometimes I'm talkative and sometimes you're not talkative

i know....

Sometimes you hear me when others they can't hear me.

Hallelujah!

Sometimes I'm naked and thank god Sometimes you're naked.

Well, hello.....

Can I tell you that you are the purple in me?

Can I call you just to hear you,

would you care?

When I saw you put your purple finger on me

There's a feelin' in your bottle

Found your bottle, found your heart

Gives a feeling from your bottled little part

Gotta crush high

Thought I crushed all I could

Crushed all I can

then I touched your hand

Crush high

Don't want it to stop

Cause stories of your brother make my crush high pop

And you couldnt really know cause its in my toes

And sometimes i wonder whered that crush high go

Crush high

then i go and take some pills

Cause i cant do all of my dos and still feel ill

You get that whooooooo

Today I raced for the first time in 3 weeks. My head hurt toward the end and I sat up but it's ok because I still made $300 and a new pair of Pearl Izumi shorts. I lost my motivation in the men's race, I needed to see 5 laps to go in order to pull something out of my wattage cottage, also known as ass, but the lap cards, they weren't coming, the lap cards, where were they? Then I sat up and: LAP CARDS. My life needs lap cards. I shouldn't have given up. I was sitting in about middle of the field when I quit. Why'd I do it? I didn't care anymore, apathy... ugly.

Tonight I lost a nice speaker that I just bought for my computer. How does anyone lose a speaker? Tonight I also window shopped at Highland Park Village, the oldest shopping mall in the country. I decided if I were to buy a gun, I'd get a Beretta. Instead, I got a Beretta baseball cap. I also lust for a Chanel suit in much the same way people lust for dirty affairs. I decided my next hair cut will be a short black bob with heavy bangs. But first I need a long neck like a gazelle. I also want Chanel shoes and a gaudy Chanel chain with Chanel coins and pearls clanging all over my chest. Chanel, Chanel, Chanel.

When I'm done bike racing I think I'm going to turn into a long distance runner and grow freakishly thin. I'd like to try it. I'd like to be emaciated at least for a year or two before I get too old and it doesn't matter anymore if you're fat or skinny. I'm also going to start writing more, I will. I love to write because it's one of the only things I can do while being completely alone with myself and I love it because it makes every bone in my body pop. I'll be taking classes full time at Midwestern next year to finish the next degree in Radiology so I don't think I'll have much time to write as much as I hope. I've also committed to the cycling program at MSU on top of 15 hours. Look, anything to not have to take mobile x-rays anymore. The money is unbelievable but I can no longer endure the call. I spend all my money because I am bored. I need to live for something I am passionate about. So, I'm going to live small again. The ways of the small. Less is more and no, that doesn't pair well with Chanel but I think expensive clothes look best in my imagination anyway.

I've got nothing tonight except the lingerings of a concussion and a really sore shoulder that is missing its skin. I have a heavy heart and am sad that Gato, Ross' family cat, was pronounced dead today. Devastating. Our cat Leopold is getting really sick from drinking dirty water.

Today I remembered a favorite teacher of mine from high school. He used to say that giving flowers was nothing more than giving someone plant privates and that every time we smell a flower, we are pushing our noses into a little plant's genitalia.

I'm going to read my book now. Lunar Park is aces, gold, diamonds, and plant privates. I can not get enough of Bret Easton Ellis. Who am I going to bathe my mind with after he's all finished? Who? ...WHO???

I can't stop thinking about a line in The Gambler by Kenny Rogers. "And the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep." This has been resonating with me all day today. Can't shake it.